hello,I wrote a essay of TPO1which talk about 4-day workweek. I just want to know if I makes some grammatical error or something with wrong using. Thanks a lot. This is my essay: The reading talks about a new working style of 5 days per week, then it thro (2024)

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I would write it like this:
then it gives you some examples and theories to prove that the new working style is way better than the common one. But lecturer's are rebutting this opinion because they believe it is not worth trying.
First of all, a four-day workweek would give employees more time to relax their bodies and minds. The outcome of an way more rested mind is an improved alertness which means less failures and mistakes. As you might know, less mistakes are leading to less money waste to fix them. However lecturer's are still claiming that the companies won't make less costs, but that they are allegedly spend more money which is obviously quite the contrary to what the text says. To prove his point, he recommends companies to employ more people so that they are able to fill the gaps which four-day-work employees remaining derives from the lacking time to finish their work. On the other Hand, more money and time would be needed to train new people and to make more space for them to work. These problems are just increasing the burden of companies, but it is the price they have to pay for an higher productivity.

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I would write it like this:
then it gives you some examples and theories to prove that the new working style is way better than the common one. But lecturer's are rebutting this opinion because they believe it is not worth trying.
First of all, a four-day workweek would give employees more time to relax their bodies and minds. The outcome of an way more rested mind is an improved alertness which means less failures and mistakes. As you might know, less mistakes are leading to less money waste to fix them. However lecturer's are still claiming that the companies won't make less costs, but that they are allegedly spend more money which is obviously quite the contrary to what the text says. To prove his point, he recommends companies to employ more people so that they are able to fill the gaps which four-day-work employees remaining derives from the lacking time to finish their work. On the other Hand, more money and time would be needed to train new people and to make more space for them to work. These problems are just increasing the burden of companies, but it is the price they have to pay for an higher productivity.

Thanks a lot